Him

I wrote this on March 20 in a draft and did not get around to posting it.....

You are out of my life. I have closed my heart to you. Why then when I get a text and I open it does my heart skip a beat. Why do the butterflies swirl in my stomach? As I sit at work my phone goes off. It's a text. I assume it is Vixen who I have been texting about weekend plans. Imagine my shock to see his name. Before I can control it those emotions swirl inside me. Why? When I am around him or see him I can keep them in check. Tell myself I no longer care and for that matter actually believe it. But that surprise moment takes me by surprise, my guard was not up. My cheeks flush. I can feel the flames creeping up my neck. Why him? What is so special about him that makes my heart race? Let's stop and analyze this for a moment. He's cute but he's not drop dead good looking or anything. He can be nice and thoughtful at times, but a selfish ass at others. He may never really grow up. He doesn't have a steady job. But he has that lopsided smile, the one that makes it impossible to say no to. It's the way he holds me when I cry. The way he really listens when I talk. It's that school girl crush that remembers those summer nights long ago when she fell in love with a blue eyed boy she knew would break her heart.