I can't be alone

If I've learned anything in the past two years it is that I can't be alone. I hate to be alone. I need people to function properly. Don't mistake wanting to be with people that I don't like to be alone for small amounts of time, but whole days make me a bit crazy.

It is Saturday and I have nothing to do and no one to do it with. Everyone in this town has something else going on and I'm not invited. Great. I hate this. My friends from E's side of the world invited me over to go look at Christmas lights but it is such a drive for one evening. Plus, I really don't want to be the third wheel on that outing. So, here I sit typing a blog.

I have sent texts to everyone here and asked them what was going on tonight. Christmas parties, got the kids, going out. Yeah, the usual I guess. Oh well.

Honestly though, I hate being by myself. For so long it was never a question, I packed my stuff on Thursday nights and headed out of town on Friday's after work and didn't return til Monday when I went straight in to work. Yeah, those days are gone. We've all grown up and have more responsibility than before. I don't think growing up is a bad thing, it just changes things and takes time to adjust.

I do miss those times though. No one seems to understand how much I do hate staying here. How much I need an escape. I hate to say it but leaving is like a drug. It feels like I've actually had a break when I get home. Oh well. Monies aren't easy to come by right now either, so I'll be happy that I have a job and deal with it.

Last night I did go see Four Christmases with a friend. It was HILARIOUS! I laughed my head off. But there were sad parts too. At one point Reese is sitting at her dad's house by herself in tears because she has seen how happy her family is with their kids and significant others. I wiped away the few escaped tears and tried to hold the flow back. I know how she feels. I'm not looking forward to it this year.

This morning I tried to plan a trip in March to a Billy Joel and Elton John concert but the tickets were just too much. $125 for horrible seats? Sorry, not doing it. The hopeful little girl in me hopes that at that point I will be seeing someone who will want to do something great for me and will buy the tickets. Right, what a great try. Sometimes my happy fantasy land is the best place to live.

Well, I guess I am going to go shower and at least put on nice clothes. I can't just sit here like this all day. I'm already done Christmas shopping minus two gifts. I may go out and try to finish those... but if I do I won't have anything to do the rest of the month of December.