Every time you use it _______.

So I really think I may be becoming that old Vivi. The one who worked all the time and lost friends because of it. After speaking with one of my best friends I realized that I was definatly reverting.

I say this because it is hard for me to go from authoratative boss to friend. I can't sugar coat anything and don't really care to. I don't have time for the b.s. And I really don't want to be that way. I find myself being way too stern and to the point. The last thing I want to do is to hurt the people who mean the most to me.

Now-on to where this kind of all came from. Anyone who knows me well knows thay I HATE my birthday. I hate the fact that it is in December and it always causes drama.

I did find out today that two of my aunts and my cousin and I are going to a Broadway Musical the Friday before I am halfway to 50. Funny how we start doing 'older' things! Anyway, so this is something I really wanted to do and my friends kind of vetoed it because of the holidays. Okay, resort to the family. It will be fun! They are already planning dinner reservations and where to party afterwards! :)

So, the friends are now asking me when and what I want to do. I really don't know. I am doing the thing I really wanted to go do with the family-so whatever we do as friends is a bonus. Though, it is the holidays and everyone wants to come but there are Christmas parties and other functuons to contest with. But sometimes you want to be selfish and say-this is my day. Oh well, that's not me. I want to please everyone so I will do whatever they want to do. I want to spend time with them-but too many factors.

Another factor? I really don't want to be 'alone' on my birthday. I mean that I don't want to be single but I always am, so I should be used to it. I suck at relationships. Hell, I'm not even a good friend right now muchless a girlfriend. I don't know how to do relationships and don't want to learn. Oh well, I guess I get to be the single one sleeping alone on my birthday. Yay. ::oozing sarchasm::

And no-i'm not going to lower what I want in life for one event in my life. If someone doesn't think I'm worth it then neither are they.

The whole 'where I thought I would be at 25' thing is a totally different blog-to be done at a computer not from my BlackBerry in bed.